Thursday, May 28, 2015

The Turnaround

No. That relationship was not the best. However it had potential. It had potential to be one of the best and the only. All Akushika wanted was to have open conversations with the man of her life. Conversations that  were unending and reciprocated. She did not want to always be the one to initiate conversation and to make suggestions of dates. Aku had become weary of constantly been let down at the last minute. 

Once, Aku had set a date with Nii Armah for a clear two months. The program was the wedding of one of Aku’s friends. With a history of Nii constantly letting her down at the last minute for some other reasons, Aku had constantly reminded him and asked to save this date. The day of the wedding came and Nii sent an early text message that he could not make it. Aku felt crushed but still held on.

Everyone has a breaking point, no matter what. Francis had come into the picture and was giving the attention Aku had been practically begging Nii for. Nii will not respond to text messages nor return phone calls. His reasons were that so far as they are in a relationship, that was all there was to it so this constantly been in touch attitude was not going to add anything to the relationship. Aku had tried severally to explain that such neglect had a bad impact on her as it made her feel neglected, yet Nii will not budge. 

Francis and Aku met via Facebook. They had been chatting and eventually exchanged phone numbers. Francis was so on point with his responses to messages and call backs. He initiated conversations. He seemed to do so so effortlessly that before she could realize, she had suddenly began to wait and anticipate his texts and calls. Upon this realization, and the drift on her part, as she was not calling Nii often, she decided to have another hearty chat with Nii concerning their relationship. Nii was still unrepentant. They had been together for two years and, Aku had never heard him say he loved her aside that one time in the initial stages of their relationship. 

As Francis was being him, Aku’s emotions were in turmoil. She had drifted from Nii within a one month period with the worst coming when she intentionally decided to not contact him for a two week period and to check if he would by chance contact her. He never did. By the end of this two week period, Aku had tirelessly drained her emotions from Nii and heightened them in Francis. They started going out for dates until Francis asked her to be his woman. Aku had an easy way informing Nii about her desire to end the relationship. 

That evening, after Aku had told Nii that it was over, he just left. After two months of bliss with Francis, she received a text from Nii to the effect that she really hurt him and he never expected that to happen to them. Aku was however not willing to go back to Nii, tried as he did because she finally relished in this emotional heaven that she was not going back to that emptiness.

Francis had four children with two women and he was even not in a financial stability to take care of his children. None of the children lived with him and he paid less attention to their welfare. His own upkeep was a problem and he still chased any girl he could chase. Aku got to know all these after about seven months. She knew it was wrong to be with Francis. She longed to leave and live, but she had gotten so emotionally involved that leaving spelt pain and doom for her. So she hanged on. Besides Francis, as typical of such men was damn good at lovemaking and making her feel important. You would want to leave but knowing no man had ever made your feet curl in the air, nor made you moan from the depths of your soul, nor thrust you so sensually that he fitted so well and with nothing but pleasure, you knew it was even more troubling to leave.

Aku stayed. Not because she hoped to help Francis become a better person, but because she needed these emotions as they made her feel alive. She could finally miss someone from the bottom of her heart and have a longing to see the person. This person was not good, as decided on by her own brain but her helpless disrespectful seemingly dysfunctional heart was in a different realm. And so the relationship went on for about six more months.

The master of the game will sometimes get caught anyway anyhow. Aku had never chanced on any evidence of another woman and so though she had inkling, she had never had hard evidence.

One Sarah Adu had started writing funny commentaries on Francis' Facebook wall. No. Aku had not gone digging. But she saw a post and the responses from Francis and decided to visit his wall. More of such posts and responses greeted her. Eyebrow raised, she decided to fish out for all she could. And so she set up a different Facebook account and befriended enough people who were friends with this lady. She sent a friend request to her and they started chatting soon after.

Trust a lady on a mission to get all her details.

Aku had gotten to know that Francis had told this woman that she Aku is his secretary. She had asked about her when she also read some posts Aku had shared on Francis wall. You know those kind of “le boo”, “man of my life” and such posts? Yes. So she had also gotten curious and asked and he’d been informed that Aku is but a secretary and she does that to just tease whoever he might be dating or looking at dating. Sarah was due for a visit in Ghana in two months time as she was domiciled in Canada.

Aku probed further for some more information over a three week period until she was sure she had gotten enough. Throughout this time, Francis was the least on her mind as she was in an emotional turmoil and wanted to painfully withdraw emotionally from him so she could have the strength to walk. She informed Francis of her decision and actually told him all that had transpired between her new Facebook page and Sarah.

Wasted years! Not according to Aku though, but according to society. There was pressure on the now 27 year old Aku to get married. She was thankful to Francis for helping her to realize herself, sexually and sensually and could at least brag as being one of the very few women in the entire world who had actually experienced so much orgasm that faking was just not an option. Let the man fail her and she knows exactly where to touch to stimulate herself to get there.

As society increased pressure on her, and as she increasingly attended more and more weddings, she was forced to have an introspection and to sort of reach out to any of her old flames as a settlement option.

Aku did a good scan and started reaching out to some of them with simple enquiry text messages. Nii Armah was one of the three options she was looking at to settle with. He had gone on to be with another person though but he was currently single. As Aku retraced her steps, she felt she had sunk low one day when while she was watching a movie titled, Why Did I Get Married by Tyler Perry, she asked herself what her relationship with Nii Armah will be like if they should reconcile. Was he going to be the same old person who could not and would not respond to messages for whatever reasons? This is Aku. She said to herself. I am Aku. The girl who would want to exchange texts with my spouse throughout as often as possible. I am Aku. The girl who wants to have an emotional dependence on her man so she could lose herself in him. I am Aku. The girl who wants to giggle while at work or with her friends because her husband had sent her a message that he couldn’t wait to see her or that he had missed her!

And this is Nii Armah!

Nii Armah would not do any of these. No. He would make her feel so neglected she would definitely fancy other men all the time.

Upon this realization, she stopped herself in her own tracks of this turnaround. She would not settle. She would not settle for a man who did not see relevance in her basic needs. She would not settle because society seems to be in unison in singing that men are hard to come by so women should settle for just about any man. No. Aku would not settle for such painful life. She had witnessed some of her colleagues complain on end about their spouses. Some had complaints so basic that it really should not be a complaint but alas they were. Neglect in marriage. A feeling of loss and hopelessness. Husbands who only showed care for their child or children by paying school fees and nothing else and wives who needed sex, weren’t having sex because their husbands weren’t giving them and yet knew these same husbands were having sex with other women.

No. Akushika will marry, definitely. Akushika had made mistakes in poor judgement and in choices of men. Akushika had chased for emotional dependence and need because that was one of the things she had never experienced in her life, despite having family and friends. Akushika had never felt what it felt like to miss someone and get moody until you hear from the person.

Despite Francis’ shenanigans, he had helped her to appreciate what it meant to have these feelings come from within and she cherished them. She was not going to live life with a settlement mentality. That mindset of accepting things as they are and as if they could never change . . . because they would never change. . . Akushika almost made a turnaround for such but. . .

People need to appreciate who they are with and listen to them. If your spouse makes a particular complaint over and over and over and you ignore it, do you then blame them for leaving you? Love should not be a hellhole. Love should be beautiful and sharing. Love is sacrificial. You need to lose a bit of you, you need to sacrifice that aspect so your spouse could possibly be happier. You need to work with your spouse and not against them.

Poor judgement in partners will always give a lesson. But do know that even the spoilt wall clock is right two times in a day.

Akushika will meet and experience love again. Akushika will love and be loved by the right man.
For now, Akushika is enjoying her singleness while hoping for the next man who will make her feet curl out of pure blissful excitement to turn up, and soon.


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